Vintage Talk Radio episode 06
Vintage Intimacy versus Modern machine driven relationships.
When we think of intimacy from today’s perspective, we think about sexual exchanges. But just as we can have sexual intercourse without « making love » so too is intimacy possible without sexual contact.
On that note, intimacy is better thought of as loving than as sex. In fact, we are intimate on some level with each and every person that we care about, because vintage intimacy stems from a familiarity with each other. By being consistently our true selves in our interactions with our closest companions, we share intimate knowledge about ourselves that allows our family and friends to predict how we’ll respond to different circumstances and live events. It tells them when to offer words of encouragement; when to make light of a situation and when to be serious; and when simply to lend and understanding ear. As we age and mature, we decide what to reveal and what to keep private from our loved ones and friends. This develops both an independent sense of self as well as a uniqueness to each of our relationships.
In pair bonding « vintage » intimacy, what changes is the privacy barriers come down; or at least they should. Because without taking down these barriers, we cannot hope to achieve a wholeness with our lifepartner, or to ever completely share ourselves with one another. It may seem like a rather romantic notion, but it’s what allows a couple to be able to finish each other’s sentences or to know each other’s thoughts. Every natural process can be thought of as a wave; it ebbs and flows, has highs and lows and lots in between. Sound, light even trees have a natural vibrational wave pattern. What happens in a relationship is with each intimate encounter our natural wave patterns are drawn closer together…and true Vintage intimacy is achieved when these wave patterns (our souls if you will) synchronize. Such couples can achieve intimacy without even a word because they know not only how to touch or look at one another, but also the precise moment when such a gesture is needed.
But the reason for my calling this Intimacy Vintage is that those who achieve it are no longer the majority. In fact Hollywood has gone so far as to change wedding vows from « till death do us part » to « for all our days together » as if to say that the marital commitment is temporary from the get-go. But the social changes of the modern world are much more incidious, as our tendency to trade face to face encounters for electronic messaging has given rise to a generation that is more comfortable facing a screen than each other.
The intimate process that we go through in the developement with each and every meaningful relationship is no longer being achieved in the school yard or neighbourhood park but is the process that each and every child today goes through when he creats and builds a profile on social media. All the gradual get to know you questions that friends used to ask one another are being asked by a machine. A machine that demands our attention everyday, and takes notes on what makes us tick; from our associations and opinions, to what we like and dislike, to where we’ve been and where we want to go. It doesn’t forgive or forget; and it preselects content based on our prievious responses so we feel an amicable connection with it. The countless hours spent revealing the mundane little details about ourselves amount to a subconcious intimate bonding with the machine. And eventually the yes or no; like or dislike; binary responses infiltrate our thought patterns. Heavy users begin to see the world in pixelated black and white absolutes instead of the rainbow blend of colours that is reality. I’ve noticed lately whenever there are people playing in the park; it’s either parents with young preschoolers; or people over 25 years old playing like kids. The children and adolescents if they are to be seen around at all; have their heads buried in their i-gadgets.
The problem that persists and perpetuates in achieving real intimacy is only exasperated by the compounding of social media use with watching pornography and masterbation. The time that we should be passing forming pair bonds; face to face with a real person is being wasted on an electronic whore that is incapable of feeling. She takes your hopes, your fears; your dreams and yor deepest thoughts and turns them into cheap entertainment to profit her unseen pimps ( the entities in control of the social media). She works you up; she gets you to spend your money; and then she leaves you taking care of yourself/ But she did worse than abandon you; she played you for a fool; as she was never really there to begin with. It was all just an illusion.
Please don’t confuse the people that use social media with the media and the machine. I’m not saying that other people using social media are to blame; thaty are just as much victims of the same process.
And thus you understand why I’ve been calling this Vintage intimacy. Because the ultimate sychronized pair bonding that all couples who marry hope to achieve is unattainable through social media, or even the relationships that develop therein. All relationships must florish in the real world. Real face to face time must be spent together; real world problems must be surmounted together, and real life joys must be shared with another living and breathing soul without using a machine as a conduit of communication.
//Vintage Talk Radio episode 06
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